Fear is not conducive to good work

Starting this blog was not easy.

I used to struggle with the idea that future employers might pass me over for candidates who didn’t have a serious antibiotic habit going on behind the scenes. I kept CF purely in the personal life tab and didn’t think it was relevant to my work life. Of course,  I understand now that it is never that straightforward.

So, this blog was intended as a positive way for me to talk about CF in the context of career.  And it still is. The problem is that I always like to put a good spin on things.  Things usually are positive and it’s my belief that it’s the best way to deal with things; but  it’s also much easier for me to write.

I can gloss over the time I spent two weeks in hospital in the second month of a new job, because the end of the story was positive and I did well the rest of the time. I can mention in passing when I couldn’t walk up two bloody flights of stairs, ’cause I was kicking ass two months later in jiu jitsu… Alright,  I was just kicking.

Point is, things have always ended well for me so far and that’s the part I’m comfortable with sharing. Talking about the unsure moments and my fears on the big wide Internet?  Not so much. And the difficulty with that, is that those moments need an outlet too. Once you start sharing part of the story, you feel like you’re fibbing if you don’t tell it all. It’s also normal to want to please in a professional situation; no one wants to bring bad news, ‘least of all to your boss.

I’m two weeks into my new job and loving it. I feel like my hard work to get here has paid off and I’m so ready to show what I can do. Unfortunately, I also landed myself with a chest infection a month ago and had to finish my old job early to start intravenous antibiotics in hospital.

This wasn’t a big dip like last year so I didn’t have to stay in hospital for the two week course and was able to administer the IVs myself for most of it. (Side note: any friends ever need help drawing up drugs or figuring their way around an intravenous access device, then I’m your girl…hang on, that didn’t really come out right.) IV antibiotics are a wonderful thing for me and I’m normally feeling miles better once the two weeks are up.

This time, not so. Granted, I’m managing work ok and my energy levels are fairly normal. But I know that something just isn’t right. My lung function still isn’t great and there are other tell-tale signs, like the pain in my left lung that just won’t go away, which I’ll have to get checked out soon. I’ve started a course of oral antibiotics (love to switch it up me) and I’m hoping that they will finish off what the IVs didn’t.

In the meantime,  I can’t help stressing a little. I know that I’m now entering the real ‘world of work’. This is no longer a job, it’s the start of a career. The advertising industry prides itself on stamina and long hours, something which I have no problem with when firing on all cylinders. Now is the time I really need to produce the goods and impress.

Only thing is, that’s a lot easier to do when you’re not afraid.

The wonders of modern medicine: intravenous antibiotics in the comfort of your own home. Dog not included.
The wonders of modern medicine: intravenous antibiotics in the comfort of your own home. Dog not included.

2 thoughts on “Fear is not conducive to good work

  1. love your writing – hope you’re feeling better =]

    1. Thank youuu Sean, new post coming tomorrow!

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